So, let’s talk about smoothies.

Unpopular opinion: I HATE smoothies. I don’t like thick drinks, and I definitely don’t like chunky ones. I don’t particularly love fruit. Above all, I hate putting thought or effort into a drink beyond opening it.

Smoothies? Guilty of all of the above.

I know you’re not supposed to assign value to food, nothing is supposed to be “good” or “bad” but if smoothies had a value assigned, it would be “enemy.” I can’t even believe I’m writing a blog post about smoothies, I dislike them so much and maybe even myself a little bit right now as a result. So why have I dedicated an entire post to such a sad topic?

Because…UGH…I feel so much better when they’re a regular part of my morning diet (and it has to be morning, because I’m going to be too hungry at any point after breakfast for a smoothie to be enough). They’re an easy way to get the day started with a solid base of carbs, protein, and vegetables. They provide energy and keep me full all morning. Also, dieticians have told me they’re easy for the body to digest so you use less energy, and I’m not a smoothie scientist so who am I to argue that? I enjoy having energy.

Although I don’t love smoothies, I have periods where I manage to make them a daily part of my diet and I recognize how they make me feel. Although they require a little bit of work, I also recognize the effort to results ratio is pretty decent. They’re probably here to stay.

In our house, I am the only smoothie drinker. That means if I try out new recipes but make something that I don’t like, either the ingredients go to waste or I’m stuck with something I don’t want to make OR eat all week long.

So this week, I decided to invest in ingredients for a wide range of smoothies recommended by my dietician and test them all out for the internet, because that’s what exhausted people dealing with autoimmune issues and dietary restrictions do. All of the following are gluten free and dairy free, most (but not all) are nut free as well.

Some were winners, some were losers. Here are the details of my labor, in loser-to-winner order. Starting with the absolute worst.

Tip for for those of us with little to no energy: I gave up on our regular blender because it was a pain to clean. This seems insignificant, but it was a weird little energy suck every morning (or night, because I’d leave it in the sink all day). I invested in a Magic Bullet (for home) and a battery operated BlendJet (for the van) and those small changes made a big difference. Having actual smoothie makers minimizes my initial mess and makes clean up easier, which means I’m more likely to stick with my plan for the week. For me, even the tiniest energy saver is helpful.

The Savory Smoothie

Rating: -100/10, do not make this unless you hate yourself and money

I actually had high hopes for this because 1. I clearly don’t know anything about food and 2. I wanted something other than sweet in the morning. I like all of the individual ingredients for this smoothie, but it absolutely did NOT work in drink format. It blended into the perfect shade of baby poop green and managed to taste both like nothing and a soggy salad at the same time. Here goes:

1 handful of mixed greens
1 small bunch of basil leaves
2 carrots
½ avocado
1 stick celery
½ cucumber
½ c coconut yogurt or milk
Protein powder of your choice
Ice cubes, if desired

Creamy Avocado Smoothie

Rating: 2/10, only make this as a base – adding things you enjoy will be necessary

This was a creamy smoothie. I prefer creamy to icy, so that was nice. It was fine. Zero flavor. This would probably be a great base on which to build with flavored protein powders and/or fruits. I would not recommend this recipe as-is:

½ avocado
1 banana
½ tsp ginger
1 handful of spinach
Protein powder of your choice
½ cup of coconut milk
½ cup of water (or more coconut milk)

The Apple Cinnamon Smoothie

Rating: 4/10, eh ok, make it if you feel like changing things up

This one was ok, but better with large amounts of cinnamon. It didn’t call for protein powder due to the nut butter, but add in supplements as you see fit:

1 green apple
½ c coconut yogurt
¼ tsp cinnamon (plus a sprinkling for the top)
2 tbsp nut butter
1 handful of spinach
½ c coconut milk

The Chocolate Peanut Butter Smoothie

Rating: 6/10, try this one out if you like chocolate

This one only gets a low rating because I’m not a chocolate fan. Also, I prefer a thick smoothie and this one is thin, which you could fix if you really love a lot of coconut yogurt:

1 c chocolate ripple milk (or chocolate oat or almond milk, if you can’t find ripple milk – I couldn’t this week)
2 tbsp nut butter
½ c coconut yogurt
Greens, if desired (I didn’t add any this time)

Triple Berry Smoothie

Rating: 7/10, sure go ahead and make this one

This one is fine. It feels to me like your standard every morning smoothie. Nothing special, but it gets the job done and takes minimal energy:

½ banana
1 c berries – I usually use frozen blueberry, raspberry, and blackberry blend but any will do
½ c coconut yogurt
Vanilla protein powder of choice
Water, to thin to your preference

Grape Ginger Lime Juice Smoothie

Rating: 9/10, yes try this one if you like sweet and light flavors

I like this one, but it’s more of a juice and it separates quickly if you don’t drink it right away. It’s sweet and a little weird, and I identify with that:

1 c green grapes
¼ tsp fresh grated ginger
Juice of two limes
Handful of spinach
Protein powder of choice

Creamy Mango Banana Smoothie

Rating: 10/10, I’m not sure any smoothie deserves a perfect score, but this was the best of the week

Winner! Creamy and not too overpowering, you can use plain or vanilla protein powder and both come out well, in my opinion. I usually freeze sliced bananas, which means these ingredients won’t go bad if you skip a day here or there:

½ banana
½ c frozen mango
½ c coconut yogurt
Protein powder of choice
Water, to thin to your preference
Greens can be added, but I don’t usually

And there you have it…a week’s worth of smoothies in just a few hundred words. Does anyone have their own favorite recipes out there? Feel free to leave them in the comments – I’m always looking for something new!